THE DOERS with APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH || CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT/ STANDUP COMEDIAN || EP14 PT1|| PODCAST

APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: When studying, you realize you can't just study based on the hype around it. The decision was whether I could do it alone. Nepal's exam pattern is still not great, though. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I was on the 20th floor of that lift, my bag full of three-page photocopies of my CV. Frankly, I had reached a point where I was thinking of committing suicide. That's how bad it was; about two months before that, three people had committed suicide consecutively. While talking to him, I knew I was getting trapped, that he was involved in a love affair. That's the fear, I'm talking about it, but I can't leave him, he's in a relationship again, I know that. Now I'm hurting myself, I know that. I didn't feel different from him, but he felt different to me. He's chasing a girl, hurting himself, even at the cost of his self-respect. I came to Nepal because of him. Because of the comedy scene in Nepal. Anup Ghimire: Hey guys welcome back to yet another podcast of the Doers. As always, we've arrived with a remarkable person. Today's guest is also a remarkable person, whom I know so well. And today, it's going to be fun because I haven't disclosed it yet. I've seen him grow and I have grown with him. So let's welcome Apoorwa. Hi Apoorwa. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Thank you, brother. Anup Ghimire: Congratulations. You are welcome. Congratulations on your success. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Okay. Anup Ghimire: In both fields. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: In any field. Anup Ghimire: CA and comedy. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Thank you, brother. Anup Ghimire: So, first of all, I don't really need to ask why comedy. But today, I want to ask why CA, to start from the beginning. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, why CA. Well, I made this decision after plus two, right? But how it started, you know, from class eight or nine, there's this thing called CA, like a wave, the CA course. It's all about money, money everywhere. You earn lakhs. That's what I heard initially, right? But also the idea of it being a prestigious job. And by the time I reached plus two, my friends had already started saving my name as CA Apoorwa. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: My friends who were studying plus two. Anup Ghimire: You were that vocal. I mean, like, you were definitely going to be a CA. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Since I was going to study CA, they also thought, "Let's do it." Some people just want to show off, right? So, "CA, everyone's a CA, everyone's a CA." I hadn't even decided to study yet. The pressure was so much. It felt like it would be a disaster if I didn't study it. And then I thought, after plus two, what else? Everyone's doing BBA. Then what will I do? MBA. That's normal, everyone's doing it. Should I do BBS or BBA? These were the decisions. I hadn't explored the courses much then. And I felt I had to study something different. So, I thought, "Let's just do CA," and decided to go to Delhi to find out more. Anup Ghimire: Wait, you had to go to Delhi to find out? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, to find out, you can understand it here in Nepal too. You can study the initial levels here. But for the three years of training, you have to go there. Anup Ghimire: But the system is different now, isn't it? There are many CAs who are doing it in Nepal, meaning Nepali CAs, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: There's the Nepal board too. There were talks about the Nepal board being difficult. And the rumor was that only one person passes the Nepal board. Well, that's just a lot of talk. That was the rumor. And the talk was that only one person passes. So, the question was whether to study here or there. And the main thing was the recognition of the Nepal certificate, which was only in Nepal at that time. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, and at that time. Anup Ghimire: At that time. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And then, hearing the hype about India, the certificate had recognition in fifty to sixty countries. And in Nepal too, at that time. So, I thought, "Let's study a wider course." The idea was that I could bring it back to Nepal later. That's how the plan was made. And that's how it happened. Anup Ghimire: And now, did the expectation versus reality miss or match, man? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It didn't match. Anup Ghimire: In what aspect did it not match, man? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, in what aspect? The initial hype I heard, about earning lakhs and lots of money. But one thing I learned was valuable: when studying, you realize you can't just study based on the hype around it. Because that study, if I do it, will take five or six years, right? Anup Ghimire: Ah, that changes. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, all those things change, you know. And after six years, will that study have any impact in the market? And you have to study accordingly. Now, it's 2019. If I pass in 2025 or 2024, which course will have a good market then? You have to study keeping that in mind. Anup Ghimire: Futuristic. I think that's how it is in business too, right? I mean, if you are starting something in 2019, you have to start with a thought process of what will happen in 2021 or 2022. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: What idea would a twelve-grader have about that? Anup Ghimire: What idea would a twelve-grader have? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But if you watch that podcast. Anup Ghimire: And in the context of CA, because a lot of people know you as a comedian, right? You are a CA, you even released "The Pain of a CA," where I think many people have come to know about it. Still, what I feel is, there are so many stories with you, right? Stories from your CA life. Because in CA, how many years did you spend? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Six years. Anup Ghimire: Six years. Right? And in comedy? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: One year in comedy. Anup Ghimire: It's been one year, right? Now, finally, this is separate, this is separate. It's just starting, you're doing it. It's good. Now, in the context of comedy, what's great is that you are one of those people who are standing at the forefront, leading the front. And as you move forward, many people will be inspired by you guys, right? That's what I feel about you. In the context of CA, you guys were not the pioneers. Lakhs of CAs have already graduated, right? That six-year hustle, that six-year hard work, has a different story. And I want to talk about that today. Definitely, we will talk about the context of comedy, right? But I also want to start by talking about the CA context. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: How it started, I went to Delhi with my father to find out. And I had a friend with me. A friend I studied plus two with in Kathmandu. And it wasn't like I was going alone, he also said he would study. Anup Ghimire: Where did you do your plus two? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Trinity College. Anup Ghimire: At Trinity College. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And he also said he would study. So we went and inquired. After inquiring, I thought, "Okay." And I asked him, "Should I book a room for three people too?" When I called him, he said, "I'm not coming." Anup Ghimire: Why? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: He said he was going to study the Nepal board. Anup Ghimire: CA is CA, you have to study it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: CA is CA, he didn't want to study the Indian board. He didn't tell me that. Now I was alone. The decision was whether to stay or not. And I think in my life, there's one decision. My father left me at Laxmi Nagar Metro Station and told me to think. Anup Ghimire: Anyway, you came. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I don't pressure you at all when it comes to deciding whether to take admission or not. Now, that's how it is for a child who has just finished 12th grade, right? They're making a life decision, thinking, "I'm just studying this final course with my father's money." It's a common thought, isn't it? What to do? Deciding something after sitting for two hours, just sitting on the ground at a metro station for two hours, thinking about it – that won't decide my life, will it? The decision was made with the thought, "I can do it on my own." So, I said, "I'll study, Dad." Anup Ghimire: Let me ask you one thing, how expensive is this CA course in India? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's not that expensive. Anup Ghimire: Five to six lakhs? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The studies themselves are not five to six lakhs. Anup Ghimire: For living and food. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: For living and food, normally for a Nepali, everything costs around twenty lakhs for five to six years. Anup Ghimire: Twenty lakhs. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's also quite a lot. Because during the three years of training, you earn money. You normally get three to four thousand IC comfortably. So, that's about it. Anup Ghimire: That's fifteen, sixteen hundred. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Uh, sixteen, seventeen. But it's quite affordable. Anup Ghimire: It's affordable. I mean, just for the college, it's about six lakhs, only for the studies. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That depends on how expensive the tuition classes are. Anup Ghimire: Plus, I think all the friends I know, they all live in their own flats. The level of luxury they live in probably matters, right? But normally, the course itself costs about five to six lakhs. And then, depending on their lifestyle, from four to five lakhs up to sixteen, seventeen lakhs, they earn, right? This. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's recovered. And the levels are CPT, IPCC, and Final. There are three levels. CPT is six months, IPCC is nine months, and Final is three years. During those three years, you train for three years under a CA. And then you give the exams. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And classes are also ongoing. It's like that. And CPT has objective questions, where you tick. That's for six months. That's usually cleared in the first attempt. It's normal. People feel like, "Oh, they gave the initial level, CA seems easy." Because the pass rate is forty percent. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: So, people think, "It's just this much." And then they think CA is easy and start taking it lightly. Anup Ghimire: And there's a myth about CA, isn't there? If you fail one subject, you fail all subjects. Is that a myth or is it true? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It happens. I'll tell you at the end. There are conditions. It happens. I've gone through it. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And after that, IPCC is where it really starts. That's for nine months. After attending classes for six to nine months, you give exams after nine months. There are seven subjects. That's where the real studies begin. It's subjective, very proper. And I cleared both groups too. I cleared it the first time. That's not it. Around seventy percent results came at that time. I cleared it then. And I felt like I could do it. And after that, the three years of training began. Now, the CA course itself doesn't feel difficult to me. Anup Ghimire: You passed, didn't you? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, that's not the point, brother. That's not the point. It doesn't feel difficult. The syllabus is just very extensive. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The CA course isn't difficult, it's not hard. The syllabus is extensive. That's one thing. Anup Ghimire: I have friends. You are much younger than me. I'm twenty-eight. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: After attending classes for six to nine months, you give exams after nine months. There are seven subjects. That's where the real studies begin. It's subjective, very proper. And I cleared both groups too. I cleared it the first time. That's not it. Around seventy percent results came at that time. I cleared it then. And I felt like I could do it. And after that, the three years of training began. Now, the CA course itself doesn't feel difficult to me. Anup Ghimire: You passed, didn't you? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, that's not the point, brother. That's not the point. It doesn't feel difficult. The syllabus is just very extensive. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The CA course isn't difficult, it's not hard. The syllabus is extensive. That's one thing. Anup Ghimire: I have friends. You are much younger than me. I'm twenty-eight. My friends are still complaining about CA, you know. For seven, eight years. You even joke about it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, no. Anup Ghimire: So, don't say it's difficult, man. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, no, it's not like that, brother. It's not difficult, but the course is heavy. A normal brain can't handle that much load. If I give you so many subjects and such a vast syllabus, you won't be able to prepare for the exams. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's the problem. Anup Ghimire: Is the culture in Nepal and Nepali CA and the amount for the course the same? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's the same. And the exam pattern in Nepal is still not good. There, for the exams, there's at least a one-day gap between each subject, a one-day gap for each of the eight subjects. Here, it's consecutive. Anup Ghimire: Shit. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The pressure of those eight days is insane. Anup Ghimire: You go crazy. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You go crazy. Getting through that phase is very difficult. Anup Ghimire: A week, after that, it's not even that. Seven, eight days. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You'd die. Anup Ghimire: You go psycho. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I haven't experienced that. When you study with a one-day gap for fifteen days, it's difficult. If it's consecutive, you'd probably die here. Anup Ghimire: The children used to say, "It's better if there's no gap, it's more intense, it's harder." That one day is not like that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: How so? Anup Ghimire: Like, for example, for children, if there's any. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It should be over. Anup Ghimire: It should be over. It was about the torture. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You don't get time to revise for the next day. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That much. Anup Ghimire: You've already studied. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You've already studied. The problem is, in other courses, like in school, we studied accounts in plus two, right? We used to say, "Two marks will come from here, five marks from here, ten marks from this chapter." That's not the case here. There's no guarantee of exactly how much will come. Previously, the question pattern helped estimate, "Okay, this much will come on average." But there's no rule. They can ask fifty marks from a single chapter. You have to study everything. You can't even skip a chapter. And the syllabus is so extensive, to study it. That's the issue. Anup Ghimire: And yesterday, a friend of mine, I'm working with a CA friend of mine, and she's helping me with business consulting. And she told me that many people don't know that in the context of CA, accounting is just one subject, auditing is just one subject. Before, when I heard CA, I used to think it was about preparing the balance sheet for the year, signing it. Not doing any complex work. Their RAs do the signing, signing for ten thousand, fifteen thousand, twenty-five thousand, or a percentage of the transaction. I used to think that. And that's also a part of it. But now, I feel that's what CA is. And now, when I look at it, they are also in business consulting. They are in HR. They are in investment companies, investment inspectors, or whatever they call it. They are also in company mergers. They also do cost-benefit analysis for employees. It's overwhelming. Can you talk about this? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Uh this thing develops differently, not like the IPCC we have. And then the three-year articleship begins. Now, if a normal BBA student or any other student plans to grow like this, what do they do? Get a job. Or intern somewhere. Now, you did it, you were given a field. For example, if you were to work in accounts or the finance department, you'd have to look at banks, look at bank entries, right? And you only looked at bank entries. Now, during the three years of articleship, if you work at a good audit firm, you audit different varieties of industries. You have bank audits coming in, manufacturing company audits, different manufacturing, uh, service industry audits are coming in. And the audit usually takes about fifteen to twenty days. Anup Ghimire: And it's all about numbers, isn't it? You don't get into HR matters or business consulting, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, no, it's like this, there are varieties of audits. Like statutory audit, internal audit, concurrent audit, forensic audit, investment audit, varieties of audits. Now, in internal audit, you look at the internal controls. That takes time, usually three to six months, they do it thoroughly. Anup Ghimire: Every company's internal audit and external audit are different. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: They are different. Now, in statutory, you normally just look at financials. You observe the balance sheet, those things are usually about law and taxes. In internal, it's inclusive, looking at your internal controls, how they are. Everything. Before this program is set up, what happens is the internal process, it needs to be kept this way, this needs to happen. Glasses need to be here. That's your process, right? Now, how is that happening? Is it happening correctly or not? Everything. Is this not financially impacting? It's not like money is coming in, right? Now, glasses need to be here. The internal control, your system, that system is properly audited. And because of that, we get that access. If I'm working in HR as an employee in a company, I'm only looking at HR. I don't know what's happening in production or the factory. If I could roam the factory. If I could explore everything. That level of education, you don't get that in any other sector. In three years, they would have seen so much and have an idea about everything. Anup Ghimire: And what is this, like, for example, six years, right? Six years is quite harsh. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It took me six years. Normally, the course is about four and a half years. I failed the final exam quite badly then. Uh, if you want to start from the beginning, life was like, at IPCC, it was just theory then, subjective, classes for seven months. And then exams two months later, so that's nine months. And the teachers would say, just pass IPCC. Then three years of articleship, like internship in banks, then articleship in CA. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The word is articleship, articleship. Anup Ghimire: It's the same thing. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's the same thing, but the word articleship is used. And for the three years of articleship, the best is in the Big Four, Big Four are audit firms, right? And you get into a good audit firm. Pass both groups. Like, all at once, pass all eight, seven subjects in IPCC, because it's divided into two groups, four and three. Pass both, then they'll place you in a good firm. Because they don't give it to those who pass only one group. Because they'll ask for leave for exams, they'll say this and that. You worked hard, passed both groups. But when you search in the market, you don't get it. They say reference. Anup Ghimire: No. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Also reference, link. And you're just handing out your resume everywhere. In Delhi, there's Barakhamba Road, right? CA firms, CA firms. It goes up twenty floors in the lift. Your bag is full of photocopies of your CV, a three-page CV. CVs in CA firms on every floor. Anup Ghimire: There are many CA firms in one building. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Many, many. It's an area, normally, just CA firms, CA firms, CA firms. That's how it is. And then you keep handing them out. Not a single phone call, not a single phone call. And it got to a point where, brother, what happens now? You have to be registered for a certain duration, otherwise your final exam will be shifted. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Like, if it's shifted by six months. Anup Ghimire: If you don't get a job. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, if you don't get that job, for that duration, because you have to complete three years. And that attempt will be extended by six months. And the situation became so bad that I wasn't getting anything, wasn't getting anything. And I thought, what to do, what to do. And frankly, brother, it got to a point where I thought I would commit suicide. Anup Ghimire: Seriously? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Seriously. I thought I would commit suicide. And it got to a point where I thought I would commit suicide in front of the institute. Anup Ghimire: In front of where? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: In front of the CA institute. Like, to tell you guys, this and that happens, you guys can't even provide good articleship. Now, I was getting it when I was young. But what happens is, I've studied so well. I've passed exams so well. And I thought, let me do something good. And when those expectations aren't met, what to do, what to do, that's what happened then. Negative thoughts filled my mind all day, just sitting at home. My CV is lying around, right? I'm sending emails, nothing is coming back. The whole day, my mind was just filled with those thoughts. What to do from here, should I give up, what to do, all negative thoughts came. And I got scared, a little scared, scared of dying too. And I thought, what to do. I had a friend named Dilip Khanal. And I called him, called him to my room. And I told him, this is what's happening, man, what should I do, I told him everything. Now, I thought, if I share with a friend, maybe something will happen. I had a little prudence in my mind. Anup Ghimire: Those suicidal thoughts hadn't completely subsided yet. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, they hadn't completely subsided. I knew it was wrong to do. I didn't have a way out. Maybe he can help me. Let me try once, maybe I won't commit suicide. I called him, and he gave me an idea, guided me a little. And finally, I got a place. Anup Ghimire: His articleship. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Articleship. Anup Ghimire: Thinking of committing suicide because I couldn't get articleship, that's too much. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It is too much, brother. At that age, that intellect, it's a race, right? That environment, the Laxmi Nagar locality, that's it. "Oh, he got it there, he got it there." Now, I've passed both groups. Someone who passed a single group got it. I'm passing both groups at once with such good marks, and I'm not getting it. And when those expectations aren't met. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I thought if I share, maybe something will happen. I had a little prudence in my mind. Anup Ghimire: Those suicidal thoughts hadn't completely subsided yet. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, they hadn't completely subsided. I knew it was wrong to do. I didn't have a way out. Maybe he can help me. Let me try once, maybe I won't commit suicide. I called him, and he gave me an idea, guided me a little. And finally, I got a place. Anup Ghimire: His articleship. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Articleship. Anup Ghimire: Thinking of committing suicide because I couldn't get articleship, that's too much. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's too much, dai. Now, at that point, that intelligence, that's a race, you know, that environment in Laxmi Nagar, that's the locality. "He got it there, he got it there." Now, I passed both groups. Someone who passes a single group has already gotten it. I passed both groups at once with such good marks. I haven't gotten it. And when that meet-up doesn't happen, it's really something. Because we were fighting for this. That environment itself is different, dai, in Laxmi Nagar. What happens is, there are both positive and negative things. For you to grow, all those friends are there, and if you want to go down a negative path, there are many to pull you down. Anup Ghimire: Pulling individuals or the environment? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The environment and individuals both get ruined. Now, there's also the saying that if you fall into bad company, you get ruined. Anup Ghimire: Okay. Have some been ruined? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Some have been ruined. Anup Ghimire: Yours, and among your acquaintances, who committed suicide, who did it? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, someone I knew, not that close, committed it then. When I was going through that phase. About two months before that, three people committed suicide consecutively. Anup Ghimire: Someone you knew, recently. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: People from my batch, and seniors, all three were Nepalis. Anup Ghimire: Because they couldn't get articleship? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, not because they couldn't get articleship. It's because of different reasons, everyone has their own problems. Anup Ghimire: But CA being the major reason, like. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's not it. Someone jumped from a building, someone like, got into trouble. No, it's about what's happening. Anup Ghimire: And the mindset, and there, it's something else. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You'd have to call it psycho. Exams are ongoing, there's a buzz, and then someone committed suicide there. What kind of impact does that have on the mind at that point? I don't know them. I don't know who it is. No, but other friends, mutual friends, know them. They hear about it. You don't even feel like going to see. You get scared. It gets worse. It gets worse. Now, exams are on, and you wonder where to go. It's already happened, who it was. And there's a lot of pressure, you know, because of those things. Anup Ghimire: Looking back now, does it feel stupid, yourself? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Extremely. I was crazy, man. I'm making so many people laugh now. I couldn't make them laugh then. I couldn't watch Baahubali first or second. Anup Ghimire: That's it. You probably didn't even know who it was, dai. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: This World Cup final, so much has happened. I didn't know, dai. I would have died, dai. Anup Ghimire: Comedy circle. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No one told me to go up, not even Indradev. He'd say, "Brother, they died in heaven, or even if they died in hell, it's just happening on Earth. They died miserable and came back." He would say that, dai. How stupid it feels at that point. You shouldn't commit suicide. It's just a phase. A phase of time. Right? What happened after that phase passed? Six months passed for me. What happened? I got a job. My boss even told me once, "You're too serious about your career, Apurwa." He said that. I felt like he was scolding me. You shouldn't be so serious. Anup Ghimire: He said that. You didn't feel it, you, your... APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: When I was working, later on, he said that. And I started taking things a bit lightly. Now, I still have it. Anup Ghimire: Okay. So now I need to understand. Why are certain things happening like this? Because this guy is. What kind of thing. No. We have those intense conversations sometimes, don't we, about certain simple things. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: We do. We do. I get a bit too serious about everything. But I'm carrying comedy with me now. Even if my job isn't there, what's the big deal? Anup Ghimire: Is it helping? In the context of comedy, like you're into comedy. Like you're making people laugh. Like people see you as, "This is the comic guy, the comedian." In that context, does that help with your seriousness? How much does it help? Did you understand what I was trying to say? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: My, my seriousness. Anup Ghimire: Your seriousness. Because that seriousness isn't completely gone, right? There are still certain things about family, certain things about the world, here and there, that put pressure on you sometimes. And now, you're doing something 180 degrees opposite, in the context of comedy. Does that make a difference to your seriousness, now that you're into comedy? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, no, it helps with my stress, whatever it is. Office stress, coming here helps with those things. But this is also a career, right? There's seriousness about where to take it, how to grow it, how to grow the entire industry, how I should grow. That seriousness is there. Now, even if I don't see anyone in the fraternity being that serious, it's their own choice. Right? Everyone has their own needs about how far they want to go. That seriousness is there. I'm not that much, according to my own standards. If comedy doesn't work tomorrow, I'll commit suicide. No, if my video doesn't come out tomorrow, I'll commit suicide. So, if I get it. There's nothing like that. Right? But I take it very lightly. If it doesn't work tomorrow, I'll quit. Anup Ghimire: No, wrong mindset. If it doesn't work, I will work harder. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, work harder, but it's not like, if it doesn't work, I'll cut my wrists. That's not it. There are so many things to do. There are so many things on Earth to do. It's not like this is the only thing. That's how I feel. Anup Ghimire: Okay. And the other thing, from the CA context, you said six years. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It took me six years. In the end, in the final exams. I gave the final exams. And I failed, not properly. The thing you mentioned about failing in one subject. That's what happened then. Anup Ghimire: That's true. It's exactly like that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I failed in three subjects. Exactly less than 40 marks in three subjects. But because of that, I had to give all of them. Because if you get 60 plus in a subject, you don't have to give that subject again. If you've taken the exams. There are eight subjects. And if you get 60 plus in any subject, you don't have to give that subject again. You have to give all the rest. Anup Ghimire: Like, even if you passed with 50, because you failed another subject with 39, you have to give that one. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You have to give it. Properly. Anup Ghimire: You failed in one out of eight subjects, but got over 60 in seven. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I got 55, 55, 55 in all of them. But got 39 in one, so I had to give all of them. Anup Ghimire: No, like, okay. There are seven subjects. You have 65 in six subjects. Only 39 in one. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, there's a condition for that too. If you don't have to give six or seven subjects, then you think you'll get over 60, but it's not like that. You can only claim that benefit for four subjects. There are many conditions to understand. Anup Ghimire: That benefit, you can only claim it for four subjects. So, you can claim for four out of six, and you have to give two more. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You have to give them again. You've already scored 65 in them. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You have to choose whether to take this or that. Anup Ghimire: There are many such conditions. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Those conditions are difficult. Now, now, and you also need to get 50 plus in aggregate. You pass with 40, right? I got 49, 49, 49. But I didn't pass. I didn't get 50 in aggregate. Anup Ghimire: Okay. There are still many such clauses. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: There are clauses. And because of that, all those things have to be submitted. When people normally understand, they understand that if you fail once, you have to submit everything. Anup Ghimire: But you just shocked me, man, bro, you said you thought about committing suicide. I never imagined things like this. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Everyone goes through phases, right? Anup Ghimire: And I think you also never publicly shared it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No. Anup Ghimire: SDRP. Nice nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And in the finals, it becomes difficult, you know, it becomes even harder to pass the finals. Because, you see. I've been studying since I was young. I haven't been working. School, plus two, I'm studying CA. I'm studying. Kids are studying a lot. Anup Ghimire: I think our Asian life is like this. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's like this. Now you have to work for three years. Like, your office runs from 10 to 6. And in between, you have to attend classes. Anup Ghimire: At night. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Classes are from 6 AM to 10 AM and 6 PM to 9:30 PM. That's how the classes are. And there are eight subjects. One teacher normally teaches for 3.5 to 4 hours. Anup Ghimire: Non-stop. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Non-stop. Anup Ghimire: Without a pause. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: In between, there's a 5-10 minute break for a bathroom trip. That's it. Anup Ghimire: The teachers are also brainy. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Brainy. They are all CAs, right? All brainy. They teach in the morning. They go to the office during the day. They are also brainy. And one teacher teaches for 3.5 hours, 4 hours non-stop. Teaches one subject. You'll go crazy. Now, in the first three years, attending classes isn't mandatory for the first year. For the remaining two years, because you can't finish studying the subjects. And you won't remember what you studied a year ago, so the teachers design it that way. And after your training is completed for a year, then classes begin. Now, your CA office will be different for everyone. Whether your CA allows you to attend classes. How many classes they allow. The firm where you do your articleship. Now, if you are staying in Delhi, and they send you for an audit to Ludhiana or Mumbai. 20 days of audit there. Anup Ghimire: Missed class. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Missed class. The topic is gone. You don't have that chance in your schedule. Then you start failing because of all that. And in between, you get sick, dengue. Anup Ghimire: Oh, dengue is in that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now it starts, one or two months at home. Anup Ghimire: No, this articleship is also a proper pressure thing, isn't it? It's not like a light, chill internship. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You have to prepare the entire balance sheet. You have to prepare the entire financials. Anup Ghimire: That's a separate torture. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: A separate torture. The CA there. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The CA there sits and signs for lakhs of rupees. Anup Ghimire: The trainer. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The one doing the training, the articleship person prepares it and brings it. For signing. Anup Ghimire: That's where the fun is. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's fun. But the pressure is different, right? Then you have to scold people. I haven't learned that, bro. After doing business. Anup Ghimire: After doing business. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's much easier to do something by yourself than it is to have other people do it. There's nothing as difficult as getting someone else to do any work. Anup Ghimire: Yes. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Better do it yourself. Of course, it's not like that either. Anup Ghimire: Uh. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, but you can't do all the work yourself. Anup Ghimire: That's also there, there's risk. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I'm signing the balance sheet. Anup Ghimire: They call that PR. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Done. They prepare it and bring it. Now, I have faith in that student who is learning, that they have prepared it correctly. I don't have that much time. I can review as much as I can from above. If they fool me, then I'm the one signing. Anup Ghimire: That's also a risk, the signature. If something happens later, your license can be gone. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, it can be. Anup Ghimire: It's fine. If you do a big company. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It can be gone. Anup Ghimire: It can be gone, right? The license can be gone? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, it can. Anup Ghimire: Like, there must be cases, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: There are. Why wouldn't there be? Now. Anup Ghimire: After studying for so many years, the license is gone. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It happens. Anup Ghimire: They also have to face consequences. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: They do. They will. They will. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But by then, you've reached a certain maturity level. Like, now, if I don't get a job, I have that. You said CAs can do various tasks, so I'll do other work. I'll do other work. I don't need that. Anup Ghimire: You don't have to sign. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No. I don't have a license for signing. I'm not that interested. Anup Ghimire: But to get a signing license, you have to go back to India, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, no. I have an Indian license. I don't have a Nepali license. Anup Ghimire: Oh, you have to give an exam here for this license. That's also difficult. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, that's also difficult. Anup Ghimire: You have to take out separate time to study for that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, you have to study a bit. You only have to give two subjects, actually, law and tax. Anup Ghimire: One and a half months? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It takes about a month, a month and a half properly. Anup Ghimire: That's proper studying. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's necessary to pass. Anup Ghimire: Seven hours a day. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes. Anup Ghimire: So, it's difficult for someone working to do that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, it's difficult. It's difficult without taking a break. Anup Ghimire: Oh, okay. It's difficult. You're not in a hurry for that right now. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I don't care. I'm not interested in the license at all. Anup Ghimire: But if you go to India, you can work freely. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, you can. Anup Ghimire: Okay. I'm curious to hear about something else. For example, once you get the CA license, what's your takeaway besides that? What has life taught you? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: CA has taught me only one thing in life: confidence. Anup Ghimire: Nice. How? Just a little. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I don't know anything. But if someone tells me to do this work, I will do it by thinking, or by asking two people, or by Googling. Anup Ghimire: Nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I don't know anything about medicine. If tomorrow they tell me to deliver a baby, I will do it. I will do it, brother. Anup Ghimire: Seriously? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Seriously. I have that confidence. Every CA has that confidence. What we learn, I feel, is that if someone teaches you just one word, you have the confidence to do it. Anup Ghimire: Okay. Nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's it. Anup Ghimire: Like, at the last moment, people can't find help for events, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Aprova, bro. The camera is here. I'll shoot, brother. The video will be shaky, that's a different story. Anup Ghimire: I'll shoot, but. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I'll shoot. Anup Ghimire: Nice nice nice. Awesome awesome awesome. And the amazing thing is, I want to know more about this. Once you've done CA, let's talk about finance, right? You probably earn more in India than in Nepal. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Of course. For me. Anup Ghimire: How much more? Double? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Double, easily. Anup Ghimire: Easily. If you earn 50,000 in Nepal, you earn 1 lakh in India. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Easily. I was actually planning to go to Dubai. Anup Ghimire: Dubai? With whom? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: With whom? No, not the lever visa. They check financials in the sand. No, it was like this, since I was going to live abroad anyway, why live in India? Why live abroad if you're going to live away from home? In Dubai, there's a good payoff and scope too. And that's why I kept saying Dubai, Dubai, Dubai. It's good in the Gulf countries, but Dubai was the one in my mind. Anup Ghimire: It's a dangerous country, man. I went there. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It'll be fun slowly. And to show. Anup Ghimire: With us. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes. With understanding. And that was the Dubai plan. And then Nepal again. Anup Ghimire: Why? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Because it's a long story. Anup Ghimire: Tell me in short. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's not that long in short. Anup Ghimire: It's not about a girl, is it? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's about a girl. Anup Ghimire: Oh god. Okay. Tell me. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, this is what happened. I failed at the time of the finals. People are very curious how many tries it took to pass. I passed on the fourth try. All the other finals were on the first try, bro. And when it came to the fourth try for the finals, I was failing. I didn't know why I was failing. The first time I failed, I called my dad and told him very happily. It was like everyone was failing. All my friends were failing. It was sad when someone passed. Everyone failed. It was like, when I failed, I remembered those friends in school who used to fail. The teacher would scold them. I was average, I used to do well, I was in the top ten in school. And I used to wonder how they must feel when they fail. They must not feel ashamed. Why don't these boys study? They just play and play, and I used to think like that, right? And when I failed myself, I realized it doesn't feel like anything. And it turns out, you don't feel like working hard. Those boys who failed back then. Anup Ghimire: It turns out they just lost interest. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Exactly. Anup Ghimire: We are to you, that movie, Dost Jab Ke Re. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: When failing. Anup Ghimire: 3 Idiots. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: When a friend fails. What was the title? When a friend fails, it feels sad, but when someone tops, it feels even sadder. It feels even sadder. The situation is the same. The environment there is the same. And my dad called. My dad was celebrating a wedding feast. The result came, I failed miserably. I called. Anup Ghimire: How did he know you were celebrating a wedding feast? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: There was a wedding in the village that day. A friend's wedding. And I knew he would be at the wedding. What to do, what to do. I called and told him, and he was so happy. My dad knew I had failed. My dad also laughed. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Then I also got tense, my dad must have too, right? It's in its own place, but at that time, it was fun at first. When you fail, you realize this is how it is. These are the feelings when you fail. And I thought, CA taught me everything, man. It taught me how to pass and how to fail. Now, when I achieve in my job, the joy of passing will be different, I know that. Because I'm not going to quit. Not after coming this far. Anup Ghimire: Nice nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I took the exam again and again. Took the exam again and again. Anup Ghimire: You took it the fourth time. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And what happened the fourth time. Anup Ghimire: Fourth or fourteenth? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Fourth, fourth. The fourth time. And I was determined to pass the second time. And I went home with all my bags. And the result came. Anup Ghimire: Failed. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: When the result came, my mom and dad knew I had gone to the exam hall to check the result. Now I knew I was going to check. I knew I was going to pass. I came back, failed. I don't know how I got these marks. Anup Ghimire: Depressed. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And now I had to go home. I was there. I had left my flat in Delhi and came back with my bags. Now, I failed in Nepal. I had the mindset to take the exam from Nepal, but I thought I would pass. I can take the exam from here. Anup Ghimire: Living in Nepal. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, the exam center is at DAV. I can take it from there. And I thought I would take it. And even if I did, I thought I would pass. Walking on that road home, your mom and dad are watching you, you're coming. What will you tell them now? And your face is sad. You're scared of your mom and dad, thinking they'll fail again. Anup Ghimire: You've felt that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I've felt it. And coming and telling my dad happily on the phone that I failed, and then facing him and telling him I failed, that was emotionally very difficult. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: After that, your mom and dad were sad for you, but they had to console their son. Anup Ghimire: Ah. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And it's also that I'm very emotional. My whole family is emotional. I'm very emotional, they are very emotional. Anup Ghimire: Winners are the people who are emotional. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I'm very emotional. And at that time, the fear wasn't in my mind. And one thing I forgot to tell you all. Before those suicidal thoughts, before that, I had a mental problem. Anup Ghimire: What kind? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And before passing, I came to Nepal on vacation after taking the exam. And mentally, I was just planning, thinking about one thing, drawing conclusions, and thinking of different ways out. It was hampering me a lot. At that time, there were many things to talk about. Career, love, those things. Don't laugh, man. There were many things about love. And again, not many people know about this. What a thing. And I went to Bir Hospital. Bir Hospital, sorry, Teaching Hospital. I went to Teaching Hospital. Anup Ghimire: For a check-up. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: For a check-up, to see what was happening to me mentally. And for an hour, counseling went on. I shared everything there. I felt like I had gone psycho. I felt like it. Anup Ghimire: I myself am psycho. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I'm telling you, I planned to meet you. I planned to tell you this. He was completely stunned. And he told me that you have OCD. Anup Ghimire: Obsessed. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: He said I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. And he gave me all the medicines to take. And I took them. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Take these medicines, and there's therapy here and there. I was going to India, so that might not work here. Anup Ghimire: You must have gone alone, without telling anyone. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Secretly. I have a friend named Sudesh. A close friend from Sanodekhi. Anup Ghimire: Sudesh. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Sudesh. And he found out, he found out, and only the two of us went at that time. And no one knows about this. My dad knows, my brother knows. And that's how I went. After he said that, I was so scared, thinking what kind of illness it was. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. Anup Ghimire: Is it serious, or just that? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You know, after adding that word, "disorder," it became like, what is this disorder? Then, in that phase, the suicidal thoughts started about a month later. And now, what's happening with me, it became difficult to say. I did some research. It says here that there's a lot of focus on cleanliness, and one overthinks things. But I don't have that much of a focus on cleanliness; I'm actually quite messy. Anup Ghimire: Quite messy. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I'm quite messy. And it's not like I rush to clean as soon as I see something messy; it's not that much for me. Anup Ghimire: I just showered. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Well, he told me. I took medication too, but what did the medication do? I thought this medication wouldn't treat mental issues. For me, it was about finding a solution to every problem, and that's when I realized this has been happening to me since I was about eight or nine years old. I realized it then. Anup Ghimire: OCD. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I mean, I didn't realize I was overthinking these things back then; it just felt like it was always happening. And since I was eight or nine, I used to think about these things. Because back then, I was crazy in love with a girl. Anup Ghimire: That's a long one. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It was a long one. And that phase with that girl lasted from around Class Four to Class Twelve, even CA. Anup Ghimire: The same girl's circle. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And it was completely one-sided, entirely one-sided. Anup Ghimire: Now. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's over now. Others have come and gone. It was all one-sided. And. Anup Ghimire: You even tried to harm yourself, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Aha, I didn't do that. Back then, there was a trigger saying, "You shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it." Anup Ghimire: You could have cut your throat. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No. If I thought I would get something out of it, I would have done it, brother. Anup Ghimire: Oh my god. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No. But I didn't know that it wouldn't work. If she didn't like me, then cutting myself wouldn't make sense, right? You don't know if she'll like you. I thought, "I'm doing so much." You know, other activities didn't require me to cut myself. She knew I liked her. And that phase was going on. And that was a problem for me mentally from before. And I started thinking about how to recover. And when these thoughts come, I would go to my friends. Even in the lodge, if something like this happened, I wouldn't stay alone in my room. The solution for me was to go to a group of girls. Or go to a boy's room. And once in the room, we'd chat and do whatever, and that was just a scene, a phase. I call it a game of hormones. At that time, the body releases those hormones, the urge to commit suicide, whatever. After that, it gets better. And that's how I got through it. And I still feel the same way about the solution. I've recovered a lot now. Because from that pressure phase, I now take everything lightly, not seriously, not career, not anything seriously. And I don't take love too seriously. I feel like I've recovered a lot. And even now, like this comedy circle, all of this. Coming here provides immense relief. And that was the pressure I had. But compared to before, I've overcome this a lot. Anup Ghimire: But bro, this is a story in itself, right? Like, for example, a comedian, right, going through fucked up stages in his life, like OCD, depression, suicidal, lots of things, right? But then he is a comedian in front of people, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: In the end, that's what happened. Like you asked how I got into comedy. After failing twice, I met a girl friend. I was in Delhi, she was in Kathmandu. And we started talking. Gradually, we started talking. I knew she had a boyfriend. And that was from a long time ago, this is different. Anup Ghimire: Different. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That was recovered from. Anup Ghimire: Okay, nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That has a long story of its own, again. And after all this happened here, I knew I was getting into trouble again. Anup Ghimire: Ah. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But what happened was, you're studying because you have to study from morning till night. Because the training was over. Now you're failing. You just have to give the exams. The exams are in seven months. So, from morning till night, there's nothing to do but study. And the maid comes home and cooks. Eating and studying with the guys in the flat, eating, studying, eating, studying. So where to relieve the pressure? Not going out anywhere. There's nothing, brother. Just wearing a vest, trousers, studying. One or two t-shirts. One or two trousers. That's it. Anup Ghimire: Sitting on the bed, sitting at the table, sitting on the chair, sitting on the balcony, studying. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Don't want to meet anyone. Went downstairs after three days. To buy vegetables. From the fourth floor down. Anup Ghimire: Back then, there wasn't Wi-Fi to browse, Facebook to browse, anything like that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Ah, there was. But I did it so much that a friend said, "You failed because you were on Facebook." And the second time, I deactivated Facebook and took the exam, and after failing, I proved that you fail whether you use Facebook or not. Anup Ghimire: Nice, nice, nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And while talking to her, I knew I was getting into trouble, like falling in love with her, but I couldn't let go. After studying for two or three hours, talking to her on a video call for ten minutes gave me so much pressure relief. Anup Ghimire: Nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And she was so caring. Extremely caring. She knew Apoorwa was going through this phase. She knew me very well. And she was very helpful. Like, "Do this, do that." Anup Ghimire: What was she doing career-wise? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Career-wise, she had completed her bachelor's then. And she was free then. Anup Ghimire: In India? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, no, in Nepal, in Kathmandu. Anup Ghimire: Just like online talks. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Not online talks. I met her once in Nepal, that's it. And that's what was going on. Now, it's happening, we're talking, right? Now I can't let go. She's in a relationship, you know. I know, right? Now I'm waiting, I know that. But if I leave, she won't study. She knows if I stop talking, Apoorwa won't study. She knows. She's having a hard time. She can't let go. And then what happened was, I failed for the third time. It was going on. The fourth time, the exam was tough. And I thought I would pass. And I thought, "After the exam, I'll recover." Because I have the pressure of the exam. That's why I wanted to talk to her. And because she was the solution to everything, right? I would go to a group of boys. And after that, it became difficult for me, being alone in my room. I have so many things to explore, right? When I go to Nepal, I'll go here, go there, do this. Anup Ghimire: You didn't take drugs, right, bro? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, nothing like that. Anup Ghimire: You didn't take drugs. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No. And I thought I would recover from that, but it didn't happen. She just wouldn't get out of my mind. You don't have to study after the exam. When you don't have to study, it's like this. If you have physical work or something else to do, if you have pressure, and you have to study in between, it becomes difficult. Anup Ghimire: Yeah. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Because you have to use your brain to remember, it's not enough to just do it casually. And that's difficult. Studying requires so much energy loss, so much, man. And at that time, what happened was, I took the exam for the fourth time. And I wanted to meet her, but she was talking about going abroad, going abroad, going abroad. Anup Ghimire: Came to Nepal. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I'll come to Kathmandu. And there's a gap of two or three months between results. And I'll spend time with her in Nepal. Now, she has a boyfriend, whatever, her own things. But I thought, "I'll keep my own things." And then, three months before the exams, I saw the comedy circle. Anup Ghimire: In India? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: When I was in India. Because I used to watch a lot of stand-up. Because it was study, study, study, and then watch something fun. And after that, when I felt refreshed, I'd chat with them and start stand-up. And in these things, more than stand-up, I was always more interested in content or any funny gigs here and there. Since school, I used to perform on the drama stage, and back then, I started a YouTube channel in Delhi and made small funny videos with friends. That's how it was. And stand-up is about going directly in front and speaking, right? In comedy videos, there's a camera, there are cuts, right? Here, you have to say everything in one go. I don't know if I have the ability to speak that. I myself don't know. And by then, I had already come here. How could I come, leaving my exams? How could I even message? If I message, they'll reply. Then the chat game will start, and my mind will wander, so I didn't message back then. My plan was to work in Dubai. After passing, I thought I'd either go to India and earn good money, or go to Dubai. That was the plan going on then. But for now, I'm going to Nepal. It will take two or three months for her results to come. She'll also go in two or three months, and I'll meet her and spend a really good time. And I can get a job in a CA firm. So, I joined a CA firm in Naxal then. They were offering me twelve thousand. And that's for expenses to live in Kathmandu. I told my family that I don't need money from you. I'll live in Kathmandu on twelve thousand, and they gave me twelve thousand then. And I'll try comedy. Anup Ghimire: If it works out, it works out. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I don't have the concept of how it will work out. Back then, it was just starting. I just wanted to try it once. Anup Ghimire: You wanted to put up a video once. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I wanted to put up a video. I wanted to try speaking it once and see how it turns out. That's what it was. Anup Ghimire: Brother, five hundred, what is it, five thousand views will come. Then girls will share it. It will come, brother, it will come. When will the video come? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It will come, brother. Anup Ghimire: I'm again now. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It didn't come, it didn't come, not a million, brother. Anup Ghimire: It came. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Sorry. And then I came. After I came, what happened was, well. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You talk to someone on social media, and in reality, they turn out to be different. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Meaning, they aren't that caring. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But maybe I didn't need that. I wasn't studying then. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I took the exams, I came. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I chased after love a bit. And she was in a relationship then. It was difficult for her to make decisions in between. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And the person I met later wasn't even that person. The person was someone else. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Because I didn't need that caring, or maybe I wanted to give that caring. Anup Ghimire: You didn't need caring? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I didn't need caring after I came. Because I didn't have exams anymore. I had taken them. There was relief. I was traveling. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And that personality was different. Anup Ghimire: She probably found you different too, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I didn't find her different. Anup Ghimire: Her? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Her. But I found her different. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And she's different. And after that, she started treating me differently. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Because that caring wasn't necessary at that phase. And after I started chasing her, she was also thinking about how to cover this up. And she started treating me badly. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And that was required. That was required, maybe. Anup Ghimire: That was good for you. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Not good for good for us. Anup Ghimire: In a long run. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: In the long run, it was. But maybe that's what it was. Maybe the process was wrong, or whatever. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But still, I came to do comedy. I started doing comedy here for two or three months. Reality will come up. I'm working here. I can't meet her properly now. That's what's happening. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now, comedy is going well. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I'm doing it slowly. That's what's happening. You guys also encourage me. Other artists also encourage me. It's going well here and there. Videos are also coming out. It's good. Anup Ghimire: Ah. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And it's going well here. Anup Ghimire: Was your video the third or fourth attempt? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It was the fourth attempt. The one without Madhesi. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I did well. And I started enjoying it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And then I was like, what to do, what to do. Well, now I'm in Kathmandu. Should I stay in Kathmandu or, you know, I was building a mindset. But then, you know, things happen on the way, you see what happens. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's how it is. Still, I'm not meeting people. Now I'm going crazy. Anup Ghimire: Oh man, Kathmandu is huge, man, we can't meet. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, we'll meet, we'll meet. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: The earth itself is big, brother. We'll meet, we'll meet. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But that phase was really tough. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's hard for them too. They have relationships with others, right? Then it became, what to do, what to do. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I would call crying, going crazy. I would come to do comedy. On stage, I had a different personality. In the beginning, I was living like a really miserable person at home. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You must have noticed. Those colleagues who were with me. You used to sit here in the field. Whoever was with you. They just talk about girls, man. Still the same. Even now, all these Chhetri people have put that image on me. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's been a long time since I've done that, not talking about that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I was a really miserable person, man. Anup Ghimire: You should get a girlfriend, man. Anup Ghimire: Get a girlfriend. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: What do you know, man? I'm in the process of getting one, but it's not happening. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I was just sitting there, feeling very sad. Anup Ghimire: No videos in that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: A video. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And what I remember is, how was it with Suraj and me? Look at all you artists. I look at this side. Anup Ghimire: You come, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Talk to Suraj. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Suraj knew him. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Suraj also, then. Suraj is coming, coming. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: That's what was happening. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And that past love from school, I chased that girl for about ten, twelve years. I hadn't gotten out of that phase. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I thought, I'll get out of this. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But I didn't know how to find a way out. Anup Ghimire: Okay. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And after that, a moment came in life where she, she saw the one she liked, or whatever. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And then, how much she loved him. I hadn't realized that. Anup Ghimire: No. Anup Ghimire: You're talking deep, man. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, I mean, she did love me. But that personality is gone, it's dead. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I had such a surprising experience. Falling in love with a person's personality, that was the first time for me. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And at first, it was like, Apurva, that personality is gone. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Or she should come back, she's just a human body, nothing else. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And the one who is there, how much she loves others, the one she likes. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: You don't love her that much. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But that personality loved you, will she love you that much for you? It became like that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And that was the point. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And then she was also blaming me, like you're trying to ruin my relationship here and there. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It wasn't true. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And that really hurt my feelings. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now, how can a girl save face? She's chasing a girl, even after losing her self-respect. She's being foolish. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I feel like we have a lot in common, talking to you. Something like that must have happened to you too. Anup Ghimire: Trying to manage their own things. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, that's what's happening. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now I'm doing comedy. Things are happening like this here, I'm not talking about this. There will be two or four people, now people like me. I'm dying for someone else. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, it's different there, there's respect here. Here I'm talking completely having lost my self-respect, my honor, falling down, bowing. Crying on the phone, crying here. It was going to extremes. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And after that point came, I realized that she loved him a lot. Anup Ghimire: I should let her go. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I, that. Anup Ghimire: I should like move away from a path. Anup Ghimire: Say it. Anup Ghimire: Where to let her go. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: No, that's it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now, no, that's it. The confusion is that the one I was going to get, that personality, it seems I won't get that either. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now, either I have to fail again and go back to living in that room. Bag. That thought is also coming, that I'll go back to that room. I'll video call from there again, right? Will I get that person back? Such a filmy thought comes. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And it didn't happen. And after coming to that realization point, I thought, okay. And I controlled myself a lot. Anup Ghimire: Plus, it's good on this side too. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And it started getting better here. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I came to Nepal because of her. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Stayed in Nepal because of comedy. Anup Ghimire: Uh uh. Anup Ghimire: Abhishek dai. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And staying in Nepal, because of comedy, what happened was, in Dubai it was all about money, money, money. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I started enjoying this so much that people, you know. Anup Ghimire: Started appreciating. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Started appreciating. You are a normal person, like anyone else. You don't get messages like, "You did this and this." "You did this to my life." APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Messages like that come on Messenger. Curses are curses, they are in their place, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But a hundred curses and one person says, "Bro, I was taking an exam. I was so stressed. I watched your video. I recovered." They say that. How happy it makes you. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Those things. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I thought, I'm doing pretty well. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And my parents were very supportive. Anup Ghimire: In the beginning. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: In comedy too. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: My father's desire was to work in Nepal, right? To stay. He wanted me to go abroad. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: It's still a little bit like that. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Yes, father. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But I started enjoying it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And after that, after that, I thought, I handled so much mental pressure. Failed four times. And for twelve years, from childhood, it was all love, love, love. I recovered from that. I'm recovering from this. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: What was it that gave me so much mental torture? What in the end? It's happiness, right? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I thought, what is making me happy? APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And in the CA job, it's okay. It's a normal job, you have to do it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: But I'm here. There isn't much money in comedy, not that much. There was nothing. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I'm enjoying it. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I don't enjoy working in an office. Money was coming. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And it felt like a balance, I'm working all day, taking pressure. And in the evening, for two hours, it feels like relief. Chilling with friends. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And what's the drive, what's the money, what's so important? I don't have to do anything huge. My family doesn't put that much pressure on me. I'll stay in Nepal. Anup Ghimire: Nice. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And I felt that something can be done in Nepal, that feeling was there from before. Anup Ghimire: Even now. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now, now, a lot. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: Now even more. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: I will do something. Now I've settled. I'll definitely do something. I have to. Anup Ghimire: Have to. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And this is it, if you live abroad, you can earn by doing just one job. That's the thinking I got. You do one job in the office. Good money comes. You can chill. But here, it seems like you have to do three or four jobs, multiple jobs, unless one person does it, it's difficult. That's what I felt. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And then for me, it turned out that I could balance both and also enjoy it. So, okay, fine. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: And comedy really helped me recover. Anup Ghimire: How difficult is it? Like, comedy, in a way, it's already been realized that it's not a small market, right? Anup Ghimire: Provided that you put your heart and soul into it, it's definitely a big market. Anup Ghimire: CA is a big market, you know it deep down inside. Right? You know that for yourself. Anup Ghimire: So, juggling these two big things at once, and taking them forward, how difficult is that, man? How are you managing it? Anup Ghimire: And the reason I'm asking you this question is because there are a lot of people who are interested in multiple things. Anup Ghimire: There are a lot of people who are good at multiple things, right? But sometimes, what people do is they compromise on one thing and only pursue the other. Even though their heart is broken for the first one. Anup Ghimire: You understand what I'm trying to say, right? Anup Ghimire: So maybe this could be something for a lot of people. Now, if you say, "I'm quitting comedy," that's a different thing. Yes, if you're quitting, that's a different thing. Anup Ghimire: But if I can balance both things, and manage them excellently, and in the long run, one complements the other. APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: it's not a small market provided that you put your heart and soul into it it's definitely a big market sees a big market you know it deep down inside Anup Ghimire: enough data so you dig into the toggling between two things to knowledge house convince Kim Sam Soon unnie whole comedy you could buy it as a suitable boys Athena Oh boys Amazon is honey oh you grew so they no duty in Somali no part in its final form E of T value value one sunny few can only 100 G please announcer our to running ominous fault sir just just a silly example the idea was a financial problem worth it us artist Nita it can be done you APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: financial problem artist Nita APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: it can be done Anup Ghimire: it can be done APOORWA KSHITIZ SINGH: worth it